I’m excited my wife Kimberlee has written Part 4 of this story. If you haven’t read the first 3 parts then I’d encourage you to stop here and read those first.

The phone call from Regi came out of nowhere. I was in the bathroom putting make-up on to go to my job selling make-up. Life was miserable. And I sure didn’t want to hear my cheery husband calling from an exotic location where he’d probably ordered room service the night before while I ate a bologna sandwich. (Okay, so Kansas isn’t exactly exotic, but at the time, anywhere was better than the hole I was in.)

To top things off, he called with a story about a baby. The last thing this woman dealing with infertility wanted to hear was about some rosy-cheeked baby he held between services so I tuned him out. I don’t know at what point I started listening, but I remember sitting down as my freshly applied mascara turned into big black tears. As if God were whispering in my ear, I suddenly knew this baby girl would be ours.

Two years earlier, my doctor confirmed my suspicions of infertility. So after many tests, my last option was outpatient surgery. All I remember as I lay in the recovery room is Regi telling me that it would be nearly impossible for me to have a baby. Instantly everything became clear. God had kept a record of my sins. Every scripture I’d ever highlighted in bright yellow had been a big lie. Too angry to cry all my tears, I determined that when the Big Guy and I got alone, we’d have it out once and for all.

You know that feeling you get when your electricity goes out on a night when the moon is hidden by clouds? That’s what the next two years were for me. Anger. Tears. Guilt. More tears. Ugly, ugly night. Eventually I would learn that the darkness has to come in order to give way to the light. It was during this time that I found my way to a 13-week Bible study and embarked on a journey of learning about God in a whole new way. A funny thing happened when I got honest with myself and God—my heart began to heal. Finally, two years later, I began letting go of things that I had no right to carry.

And the lights came back on.

I stood firm in my faith and acceptance of God’s love for me just the way I was. I found scripture I never knew existed. And I wrote through the pain. Before long, it was the beginning of a new year and I believed in my heart that I would become a mom this year, that my body would be healed this year. The days came and went, with nothing. Again I questioned…Are you there, God? It’s me, Kim.” I even tried to take back all the anger and guilt I had given Him, but He couldn’t remember where He put it! Helpless, I looked up and said, “What are you gonna do? Drop a baby out of Heaven into my arms?”

I guess you could say that’s what He had in mind.

Upon returning from Kansas, the man who had never even discussed adoption with me could hardly be contained. We wrote some letters, scrounged up the best pictures of family we could find, and took pictures of an empty room that we hoped would be filled, before sealing our dreams in a FedEx envelope. We waited for one very long week until the phone rang at 11:00 p.m. on April 15^th. Thankfully, it wasn’t the IRS.

It was JoAnn, an angel from heaven in the form of a social worker. She told Regi, “Before you go to sleep tonight think pink. You’re going to be a father.” She said something to me next but all I remember is hearing the word “Mommy” and then crying. This time, the tears didn’t hurt.

We headed to Kansas on July 4^th and by the next day we were at the hospital awaiting our precious daughter to be born. It seems crazy that we shared so much laughter and excitement with the birth parents and their siblings, parents, friends, and my sister who flew in from Florida. But it was like a puzzle taking shape before our eyes. No fear. No doubts. No anxiety. Just peace as the pieces began to take shape.

When my baby girl was placed into my arms for the first time, it was like the hand of God was handing her to me. She looked at me and all I heard God say was, “See how much I love you? You had to wait because your gift wasn’t ready. I’ve never left you. I’ve never turned a deaf ear to you. And I haven’t punished you like you thought you deserved. Don’t ever forget how much I love you.”

I assure you that the road to Kansas and finding my way to being a mom was a difficult one. I felt so forgotten, so unloved, and so disgusted with myself that I didn’t think there was any hope for my dreams to come true. I know now that the path God carves for us in the mud sometimes takes a completely different route than we imagined. You can’t be afraid to trust where He leads just because you might get a little dirty. Do you need to hear from Him? Then search for Him with your whole heart. I remember praying that someone would come my way who could help me through my depression, who I could talk to when the pain got unbearable, who would simply understand me. Know what I heard God say? “I’m not sending anyone to help. This is about you and Me.” And it was in His true faithfulness that God met me, at my lowest pit and changed my life for good. Oh, I’m grateful for the children that call me Mom. I’m grateful for my husband who obediently went to Kansas because he thought he was there to sing a few songs. I’m eternally grateful for the brave girls who chose life and gave us the privilege of becoming parents.

But more than that, I am forever grateful to a merciful Father who loves me. Who works all things together for my good. Who never leaves me or forsakes me, and who doesn’t deal with me according to my sin or repay me according to my iniquities.

He has written a story we’ll never get tired of telling.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some years ago we found out we couldn’t have children. That was tough to hear. And living with that reality was even harder. We thought the first Laparoscopy would take care of everything. Then the second. And yet a third. Have you ever gotten your hopes up only to have them dashed like waves against a rock wall? It leaves you breathless. Unsure of how to cope or communicate. You make decisions you wouldn’t ordinarily and life feels like a fog that won’t lift. That was our world for two years.

“When are you guys going to have kids?” This was the question we heard more than too many times. Baby shower invitations were difficult to open and it wasn’t long before depression moved in like a cloud over our home. Been there? Writing about it brings up memories of great difficulty but living on this side of pain reminds me just how far God has brought us.

I traveled almost every weekend during those years which left my wife home alone. Alone, to deal with the pain. Even when I was home I wasn’t present when it came to discussing children. I can’t find any explanation why I didn’t communicate with her, but I didn’t and time dredged on. One particular weekend I was at an event when a gentleman approached me and introduced himself as Pastor Joe. He asked about my family and then the question came. Do you all have children? I told him we didn’t and then for some reason I told him we couldn’t have children. I didn’t mean to tell him it just sort of spilled out before I realized it. He said he was sorry and told me he and his wife had struggled with infertility year earlier but that God had blessed them with a beautiful baby girl through adoption. He told me with a smile, that they now were enjoying their grandchildren. Before he left he asked me to contact him to discuss coming to his church as music guest. Since he had never heard me sing or play, I figured it was a nice gesture and that I’d never see him again.

Six months later I contacted Pastor Joe and was invited to a 4-day conference at their church. I didn’t realize meeting him in the midst of thousands of people would be the beginning of a truly amazing story.

Part 2: https://www.registone.com/2012/05/you-cant-have-children-part-2/

Regi

 

Recently I was saying prayers with my 9 year old. Actually, he started the prayer like this: “Dear Lord, thank You for Mom, Dad, Sophie, me, Roxy (our dog), Java (our dog who went to doggie heaven last year) and everything and everybody in the whole entire world.  Amen.” Short and sweet. I asked if he’d like to be more specific. He said, “Dad, I just prayed for everybody and everything in the whole entire world. I think that just about covers it.” He always makes me smile.

I lay there for another minute until it was very quiet. Then he asked, “What does Heaven look like?” He said he’d like to cut a hole in his ceiling and peer into heaven. Wow. I don’t remember ever wishing that. I stayed to see what else he’d like to discuss. With passion in his voice he said, “Dad, I’m so anxious to see it.” I didn’t know what to say. We talked for a few more minutes before I headed back downstairs. When did I stop longing for Heaven and start settling for what Earth has to offer? I mean, I like it here but it’s almost like we’ve created our own little heaven on Earth. Of course I’m not suggesting that we start ‘hating’ life. But, it’s with the understanding, as Paul suggests, that living here on Earth is like sleeping in a tent.

But do we really see it that way? I have a Tempurpedic bed with cozy pillows and blankets. I drive a nice car to a comfortable office with flat screen T.V.’s and cushy furniture. I talk on an iPhone, use an iPad and iMac, and eat good food. What about that compares to sleeping in a tent? However, when we read John’s description in Revelation 21:10-27 we get a different picture. Jasper, gold, pearl, and every other precious stone you can imagine. No tears. No sickness. No IRS. No toothache. No worry. No allergy. No autism. No heart attacks.

Can you imagine?

No tragedy. No death. No bugs. No job loss. No depression. No infertility. No abortions. No denominations. No fighting. No debt. No embarrassment. No surgery. No cancer. No homelessness. No abuse. No divorce.

Are you getting it yet?

Heaven is different. Really different! But how how often do you think about Heaven? Take 5 minutes and write down all the things that you won’t miss about the Earth. You may find yourself realizing you’re living in a strange place that’s not your home.

Until next time,

Regi

 

 

 

What do you do when you feel like throwing in the towel?

A couple years ago I was on a plane heading to a conference when I struck up a conversation with Gene, sitting next to me. The flight was nearly 4 hours long so we had plenty of time to solve most of the world’s problems and a few of our own. “What do you enjoy doing” I asked. Running, was his answer. I smiled and told him about the 1/2 marathon I had run the year before. He smiled and told me about the 41 marathons he has run. Full marathons. I couldn’t believe it. As we settled in to our trip we talked about our families and shared pictures of our kids. His last picture he shared was a picture of his wife. I said she’s beautiful. He thanked me and then told me she had passed away just 2 years before. My heart sank. “I’m sorry” I said. He smiled again with a thanks.

Gene had such a calmness when he spoke. He smiled as if it was second nature. How could he be so happy when he had suffered such pain, I wondered? He talked of faith but I couldn’t imagine the difficulty he’d been through. And, with 3 children to raise on his own. I asked him if he ever wanted to give up. He answered by saying that running gave him a way to talk with God both when he was angry and calm. But how do you run through pain? He had mentioned earlier that in 30 years he’s probably only missed 3 weeks of running. What??? I asked him what his secret is and he shared it with me. It’s going to seem so easy when you read this but I promise you it’s the hardest part. At least Gene told me it’s the hardest part of all. Ready? Here it is.

You’ve got to get out the door. See! What did I tell you? Sounds easy right?

So what has you wanting to throw in the towel? Are you a worship leader who is weary? Do you have an addiction you can’t seem to shake? Do you live with fear? Do you worry all the time? Are you angry? You have to get moving. Dave Ramsey, who many of you know says when you lose your job you need to start working out. Don’t let your rear become attached to your couch. Get moving!

Prayer is always a great thing to add to your life. Reading God’s word is another component that adds life to your soul. Forgiveness is another great way to start. Addictions can be overcome through Jesus Christ and by seeking professional help. Get involved in a vibrant church. Yes vibrant and preferably not dead. Chances you know someone like Gene or maybe it’s you. I encourage you to get out the door and start living. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Make it count!

Until next time,

Regi

I’m sitting in the living room enjoying a cup of coffee. It’s quiet. It’s early. While I relish this peacefulness, in the next room my son is sleeping and from the kitchen I can hear a gentle whooshing sound coming from the dishwasher.  It’s really quiet. Usually by this time most of the day has been planned. A box that needs to be packed (we’re moving) or lights that need to be replaced 22 feet in the air, a room that needs cleaning or a car that needs a good wash. Hang on let me pause to get back to the quiet. Okay. That’s good. I almost got a little worked up there. Breathe in. Breathe out. There. Where was I? Ah yes, I can hear birds chirping outside. My coffee is perfect. The dog is sleeping on the couch beside me. There are no plans for the day. Bliss. But I have a guilty feeling engulfing my thoughts. 

Why can’t we find time to sit in the quiet without feeling guilty? Is it some perceived expectation someone has of us? Is success only achieved by those who work non stop? I’m certainly not suggesting that hard work doesn’t pay off. It usually does. But what I’m suggesting is that hard work requires moments of rest too.  I find when I’m working without much rest my creativeness comes to a standstill. I lose the desire to think beyond the mundane. But here surrounded by the silence there is a strength found in the calm. Don’t believe me? Try it sometime. It may take you a few times before you recognize the importance of your mind and especially your body unplugging. The first time you will probably get up after 5 minutes because you’ll feel uncomfortable in a space you aren’t used to. The first time I tried unplugging I lasted all of 10 minutes before running to my phone to see what this craziness had caused me to miss. Nothing but a few tweets, a few emails and one missed phone call. All I missed that day was the opportunity to learn how important unplugging really is. 

Many of you reading this may start your morning late which shifts into overdrive because now you’re hurrying to work or a meeting or getting the kids off to school. The tweets have to be checked. Facebook messages have to be read. Now you’re in the car with music and advertisements coming your way one after the other and then you’re at the office and before you know it you’re back home to start all over again.Some won’t make it this far in this blog because they couldn’t imagine trying to unplug anything. For those of you still here we’re almost there. I dare you to try this. Take one morning each week for one month and don’t check email, phone, Twitter or Facebook until after lunch. You’ll be amazed how much you’ll enjoy your lunch without your flipping phone.  During your unplugged morning find a place to take a blank agenda and be alone in the quiet. You may enjoy it so much you’ll add more unplugged days to your week. I’d love to hear how your mornings go. 

I’m so glad you showed up to this blog today. In less than 300 words I’d like to tell you how to take your worship to the next level. Before you click away thinking I’ve lost mind, hear me out. I believe this 3 step approach will increase your awareness of worship in personal and corporate worship. Ready? Here we go.

1.) Choose to become a daily worshiper.
I know we worship during our weekend services but becoming a daily worshiper means finding time on all the other days to bring our worship before the Lord. If God inhabits our praise then being in His presence is where we need to live. Daily. Just because we’re given the title music director, worship leader, worship pastor or worship artist, it doesn’t automatically qualify us as a daily worshiper. That is something we must choose.

2.) Follow through with number 1.
Have you ever joined the Y? Cross Fit? Curve? Choosing to join is an important part but joining isn’t what gets the results. Results come from using the equipment consistently. As a result our body takes on a different shape.  A life of worship may sound simple but it’s not. It takes desire. You have to want it. Becoming a daily worshiper takes planning and organizing priorities to carve out time during each day to pray, write, and meditate on God’s word.

3.) I am becoming a daily worshiper.
Say it out loud and then write it on a sheet of paper. In fact write it on sticky notes and post it in several places where you can see it every day. Here’s the tough part; follow through.

I’d love to hear from you on becoming a daily worshiper. Until next time,

Regi

My wife is the writer in the family. I’m working on getting what’s in my head on paper to capture the essence of a story I have to tell. Where do I begin? For some time we’ve talked about selling our home and moving where cows and horses outnumber the cars. And often I’ve dreamed of driving south of Franklin and stumbling on that perfect piece of land complete with trees, a barn and a stocked pond. In fact, I’ve made that trip more than once hoping to see my dream come true. After deciding now’s the time, we put a For Sale sign in the yard last Thursday and crossed our fingers and our toes. We received 4 offers within 5 days and in less than a week we have officially sold our home. Our emotions have been a bit crazy, as we’ve realized we’re leaving behind where we’ve spent the last 10 years together with our children. That’s a lot of hours, memories, and stories to recount. The doorbell just rang and it was another real estate agent wanting to know if ‘they’ could come in. Can you sell a home more than once? I think we could.

In less than two months, our new home will be a rental property. The last time we rented we were newlyweds. That was some years ago. After a search online, I found a cabin in Franklin, took a quick look and then convinced my wife to go back with me this morning. She wasn’t too keen on a cabin; especially a log cabin. But after walking the property she was hooked and we agreed to move in right after the kids are out of school. Even though we aren’t purchasing the home it IS on 22 acres complete with lots of trees, several barns and a stocked pond. So, I guess at least some of my dream is coming true.

I’m not sure where you find yourself today. Maybe your house has been for sale for more than a year. Maybe you’re in the middle of a major move or a job change or job loss. Maybe you stopped believing in dreams altogether. Regardless, life comes with changes. And, some changes aren’t easy. But with each change we have opportunity to make new memories and start some interesting and amazing new stories.

Keep the faith,

Regi

 

If you’re looking for ways to help your worship come alive, here are a few out of the box ideas.

1.) Make a spiritual family tree. Put as many people as you can think of who have influenced your faith, along with a little of what you know of their background. Step back and look at where you come from. Then add the people who you influence – both peers and people you might lead or mentor.

2.) Plan a field trip. Go to a park, the beach, the mountains, a zoo, botanical gardens – wherever you can go and interact with God’s creation. Think about what kind of God made everything. Can you contain Him? If God were visibly present right where you are, how do you think it would affect you?

3.) Volunteer to help a low-income family or person with work on their home or yard. Get a few friends or family members and together raise funds for your project and then help out with the labor. *Get crazy: Surprise someone by mowing their lawn when they are out of town.

If you have ideas for other worship experiments I’d love hear more in the comments section below.

Until next time,

Regi